I love the holiday season. For me it is about spending time with loved ones. I have cherished memories of Christmases with people who have since passed away, and each year I make new memories with the people who have entered my life.
Yet, as much as I love the holiday season, there are a number of things that get under my skin at this time of year. One of the big ones is the amount of comments about food and body. Many people making these comments struggle to understand that a comment is unhelpful, especially if they perceive the comment as a compliment or in the best interest another person. Some examples of unhelpful comments are:
- “Oh, you look like you have lost weight!”
- “I wish I could be as good as you, and have the willpower to not eat that”
- “How do you maintain a figure like that, and still eat those?”
- “I am going to have to hit the gym hard after this to burn it all off”
- “Are you going to eat all that?”
- “You shouldn’t eat that. It is bad”
- “Did you see them? Wow, they have gained a lot of weight”
- “I am just worried about your health.”
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but are just some examples many encounter at this time of year (and throughout the year). A theme within these examples is that restriction and being a smaller size is “good” and “healthy”. While not restricting, and being larger is “bad”, “unhealthy”, and in need of “fixing” with physical activity of future dieting.
What happens when food & body comments are made?
- Attention to the appearance and the body. When appearance and body is given the focus, all other aspects of the person often gets pushed to the side. The person and your connection with them in that moment is purely at that body level. Who they are as a person, values they hold, interests they enjoy, actions they have taken, stories they have to tell all become take a back seat to how they look. This not only limits the connection, but also can make people feel very self and body conscious, which can pull them out of the present moment and take away some enjoyment.
- Judgment is made about what is right/best for the body. Our bodies are capable of so much. The human body has all these incredible systems that are capable of establishing and maintaining what the body needs. Comments of others are not part of these complex systems. In fact, weight discriminatory comments often hinder the body’s ability to maintain many of the systems, as it puts the body into a stress response. Basically, the body is capable of knowing what is right for it, and even if there is a system (or more) that is out of whack, it is for that person and their health care providers to determine what course of action is best. Commenting is not helpful, and can be harmful.
- Moralistic terms are introduced, and then become applied to food, food behaviour and the body. When people start to label foods as “bad”, “good”, “junk” or “clean”, those around them may also start having thoughts about the food. Food that a second ago may have happily been eaten. Everyone is pulled out of the enjoyment of the moment, and into thinking and judging. Not only are people thinking and worrying about the food itself, but they also start worrying about judgment of food behaviour and body. Such as, “are they going to think I’m being a guts if I have some more of that?”. Again, moving people further away from enjoying the moment and connecting with each other. All the while, that food at the heart of the discussion may have been food that someone spent hours creating, or even if they didn’t spent hours they took the time to either make or get that food they are sharing with you. That food may have been a recipe passed down generations. That food could be something another person is excited to share with you as a way of sharing their love, traditions or culture. That offer of connection though food is pushed aside based on rules that they have absorbed from diet culture.
Basically, when comments are made about food and body we are pulled out of connecting with one another and creating memories and traditions, and into a strict rule governed realm that creates stress and shame for all those entering it. The holiday season can be stressful enough, why add that extra level to it?
That being said, we have all been emersed in diet culture where such comments are the norm, and thus it may take time to really move away from unhelpful food and body comments. We need to be kind and gentle with ourselves and others as we learn and grow. Stay tuned for Part 2 when I talk about actions you can take in response to comments.
drsarahpegrum 