Remember the games you used to play as a kid? You may have been a real active kid, so your games may have involved a lot of physical activity. Or you may have preferred board games or computer games. Or maybe you were creative, and came up with your own play or games.
In play, you not only had fun but you were also learning. You were learning how to interact and connect with others. You were learning about rules. You were learning how to be creative. Play was not only fun, but helped us learn and grow.
But somewhere along the road of getting older, shit got serious and the first thing we dropped in order to handle the responsibilities of life was play. Yet in doing so we lost an opportunity for joy, laughter, and creativity. We also diminished our comfort with lack of structure or rules. For many people, when there aren’t significant rules and structure they begin to feel anxious as they are out of practice with how to navigate the free space.
Play as an adult has also gotten a bad wrap, with people often judging others when they are playful. They may say “that is childish” or “you are being stupid”. Many people in response to this judgement (or potential judgement) don’t let their guard down and keep the mask up, or if they engage in play it is very brief, or very curated. When I think of my experience of this I feel sad. In the past my response to judgmental statements has been, to check myself and return to a more ‘put together’ or ‘professional’ way of being. To be honest, I have usually found this more boring and I find my attention wandering. When I am in environments with others who are playful and fun, I feel happier and more free. I can be silly, without judgment. Usually when I am doing so, then others laugh and give themselves permission to drop the guard and be silly and laugh as well. It is fun.
What I notice is not only do I feel better, but I am more able to connect with others and creativity flows. When in an environment that frowns on play, fun and humor, I find myself feeling tense, anxious and worried what is the appropriate social behaviour for the situation. It is less fun, and I am less present.
Interestingly, just as play in our childhood helped us learn, grow and connect with others, it can have the same function in adulthood. When we are playing, our faces change and how we communicate changes. Our brains detect this, and sends a message to the fight/flight system that it can stand down. So, play makes us feel better.
Play also continues to teach us social skills. Through play we can learn what is ok and not ok in a context that feels less threatening. As our threat system is being inhibited, we may be more capable of being more vulnerable, and connect with others from that authentic and open place.
When we are playing, we are being creative and we are problem solving. We are flexing our brains. We are building our confidence in our ability to be flexible and adapt when structure and rules are pulled away.
So what is play? Play is something that is voluntary, inherently attractive, improvisational , purposeless yet makes your want to do it again. Play fosters a loss of time and self consciousness. What it looks like may differ from person to person. For some, play is board or other games. Me personally, I have no interest or enjoyment there, but do enjoy being playful in other ways (like improv).
Play is not something that is narrow. Play can be movement based, involving dance or physical activity. It can be social, like telling jokes or playing pranks. Play could be creative, like creating funny or playful pictures or stories.
Take a moment to think about what you enjoy or have enjoyed in the past, and carve out small moments where you can reconnect with play.
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